MLDC Book of the Week: You’re Not Listening

The last time someone disagreed with you at a council meeting, a staff check-in, or a public comment period…were you actually listening, or were you already building your response?

If you’re honest, it’s probably the second one. Most of us are. And according to journalist Kate Murphy, that habit is quietly costing us more than we think.

Murphy spent two years investigating the science of listening — the neuroscience, the psychology, the biomechanics of it — after realizing that despite a career built on interviewing people for the New York Times and other major outlets, her own listening skills weren’t what she assumed. Her book, You’re Not Listening: What You’re Missing and Why It Matters, is the result: a deep, often surprising look at why genuine listening has become so rare, and what it takes to get it back.

She talked to hostage negotiators, CIA officers, improv comedians, and bartenders — people whose entire professional survival depends on hearing what’s actually being said, including everything unsaid underneath it. What she found has direct application for anyone whose job runs on people. Which, if you’re leading in local government, is the whole job.

A few threads worth previewing: Murphy identifies a gap between how fast people speak and how fast we can think; a gap most of us fill by rehearsing our own response instead of tracking the conversation in front of us. She surfaces a trait she calls negative capability, the ability to sit with contradiction and ambiguity instead of rushing toward a tidy answer. And she gets into something genuinely useful for anyone who’s ever felt their pulse spike during a heated public comment: the physiological threat response your brain triggers the moment someone disagrees with you.

This week, MLDC members are working through five specific, practical takeaways from this book to help with council meetings, staff one-on-ones, and the exact moments where listening tends to break down fastest for people in your seat. Not abstract communication theory. The kind of thing you can use in tomorrow’s meeting.

Secure your 2027 MLDC membership now, and if you’re ready to go further, consider applying for one of our limited Mastermind groups launching in January. These small, focused cohorts are built for leaders who want more than content…they want accountability, peer perspective, and space to work through real challenges alongside others who understand the job.

Applications for the January Mastermind groups close October 31st, and space is limited.

Join MLDC and apply for a Mastermind group at HaltingWinter.com/MLDC.

The Municipal Leadership Development Circle (MLDC), led by Seth Winterhalter, is a community for city and county managers, administrators, and local government leaders who believe leadership shouldn’t be carried alone. Through trusted peer relationships, candid conversations, and practical leadership development, the MLDC creates space for municipal leaders to think differently, grow intentionally, and navigate the challenges of leadership alongside people who understand the weight of the work. Learn more at HaltingWinter.com/MLDC.