The Silent Struggle of the “Don’t Be a Bother” Leader

Have you ever met a leader who’s always there for everyone else, but never for themselves? Let me paint you a picture:

• On the brink of burnout

• Frustrated by lack of progress

• Trapped in the weeds of work minutiae

• Feeling like they’re carrying the world on their shoulders

Sound familiar?

This leader has an open-door policy that’s more like a revolving door of work challenges and emotional dumping. But here’s the kicker: they were raised hearing “don’t be a bother” on repeat. Guess who doesn’t get help? That’s right, the very leader who won’t ask for it.

Their life motto has become “hard on me, easy on them.” And life? Well, it’s taken them up on that offer.

The Root of the Problem

This mindset isn’t just damaging—it’s unsustainable. It stems from a deep-seated belief that asking for help is a sign of weakness or incompetence. But here’s the truth: it’s the exact opposite.

The Solution: Rewrite Your Story

1. Acknowledge Your Worth: Your needs are just as important as everyone else’s.
2. Set Boundaries: An open-door policy doesn’t mean being available 24/7.
3. Practice Self-Advocacy: Start small. Ask for help on a minor task.
4. Lead by Example: Show your team that asking for help is a strength, not a weakness.
5. Invest in Self-Care: Prioritize your mental and physical health.

Remember, a burnt-out leader can’t lead effectively. By taking care of yourself, you’re not being selfish—you’re ensuring you can be there for your team in the long run.

What’s one small step you can take today to break the “don’t be a bother” cycle?