The Yes-No-Yes Formula: A Guide to Bulletproof Boundaries

Your parks director just proposed an ambitious new project. It’s innovative, community-focused, and completely impossible with your current budget constraints. You know you need to say no, but you also need to maintain the enthusiasm and creativity that sparked the idea. What do you do?

Enter the Yes-No-Yes formula, a revolutionary approach from William Ury’s “The Power of a Positive No” that transforms how we handle these delicate situations. Let’s break down how this framework can revolutionize your municipal leadership.

First Yes: Ground Your Response in Higher Purpose
Before saying no, anchor your response in what you’re saying “yes” to – your deeper commitment to the city’s well-being and sustainable governance. This isn’t just diplomatic flourish; it’s about demonstrating that your no comes from a place of responsible leadership.

Example:
“I really appreciate your innovative thinking about enhancing our community spaces. This kind of forward-thinking is exactly what our city needs…”

The No: Clear and Unapologetic
Now comes the boundary – direct but not harsh. State your no clearly, supported by concrete facts rather than apologetic explanations.

“…However, we cannot proceed with this project this fiscal year. Our current budget is fully allocated to existing commitments and essential services…”

Second Yes: Propose a Constructive Path Forward
This is where magic happens. Transform the no into an opportunity by offering a constructive alternative that addresses both parties’ interests.

“…Let’s work together to develop this concept for next year’s budget cycle. In the meantime, I’d love to explore which elements of this project we might be able to implement on a smaller scale with our existing resources.”

Real-World Application for City Managers & Leaders

Let’s apply this to common scenarios:

1. Council Member Requests

• First Yes: “I share your commitment to being responsive to constituent needs…”
• No: “…but I cannot provide a thorough analysis of this proposal by tomorrow morning…”
• Second Yes: “…I can have my team prepare a comprehensive report for next week’s work session, giving us time to properly evaluate all implications.”

2. Staff After-Hours Contact

• First Yes: “I value your dedication to our city’s operations…”
• No: “…but unless it’s an emergency, I won’t be responding to messages after 6 PM…”
• Second Yes: “…I’ll set aside the first 30 minutes each morning to address any non-emergency concerns from the previous evening.”

3. Community Group Demands

• First Yes: “Your passion for neighborhood improvement is exactly what makes our city special…”
• No: “…but we cannot reallocate funds from the approved street maintenance budget…”
• Second Yes: “…let’s explore grant opportunities and potential public-private partnerships that could help achieve your goals.”

This framework aligns perfectly with the “Self-Awareness” component of our ABC leadership framework – it requires understanding your own position while remaining attuned to others’ needs and motivations.

Key Takeaways & Action Steps:

• Write out your own Yes-No-Yes scripts for common challenging situations
• Practice delivering your “no” without apologetic language
• Keep a running list of constructive alternatives you can offer
• Remember: A well-delivered “no” actually strengthens your leadership credibility

Share your thoughts and insights on my LinkedIn page as we continue to learn and grow together.

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Transform Your Communication in 2025
Mastering the art of diplomatic yet firm communication is essential for effective municipal leadership. The Municipal Leadership Development Circle (MLDC), launching in January 2025, provides city managers with proven frameworks for handling difficult conversations and setting professional boundaries.

Join a community of municipal leaders focused on developing advanced communication skills, with access to real-world scenarios, peer support, and expert guidance on implementing these crucial leadership tools.

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Seth Winterhalter is President of HaltingWinter Municipal Solutions, dedicated to making stronger cities through stronger leaders. Through executive coaching, consulting, and the Municipal Leadership Development Circle (MLDC), HaltingWinter helps city managers and municipal leaders transform their leadership impact and their organizational culture.